that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
