honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
