Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
