This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
