My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
