she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
