i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
