Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
