I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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