Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
