shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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