dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Is it penis luge time yet?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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