There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
