Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
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