some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
