My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
