too bad you live with your parents still
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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