i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
