He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
