I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
