So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
