Cold hands, warm shart.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize