im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
