and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
