it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
