so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize
