he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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