my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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