We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
