I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
