I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
