Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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