shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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