I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
