Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
