it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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