i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
