Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
