i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
