I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
