We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
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