White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
