I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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