I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You pole danced in your parka.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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