The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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