just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
