I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
