dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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