she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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