if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
