a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
