Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
