Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
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Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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