just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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