oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
