i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
