I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
