this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
