theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
