we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
