16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
