anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
