my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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