I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
