Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
