You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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