My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
