so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
